So this is my first blog and i guess i made it because i know i have to dump my thoughts & feelings somewhere. it seems as if the more i talk to people the more i can just *feel* them hating me and wishing i would stop talking. i am pretty sure thats not how it goes BUT. still.
i have been super ridiculous with my emotions this week. mad - sad - depressed - angry... anything and everything has been flying through my head. i have been staying strong and realizing that i am better than putting myself in the same situation over and over again, but it it so hard to deal without something you have relyed on for years. sometimes i wish she was still around, but most of the time im glad shes not. its been a horrible road with as much abuse as one can take on every level made. its my first time being by myself *acutally* by myself in over 5 years... its a little wierd, its lonely at times, its really hard to get used to. sometimes i wish i could run back, but i know after doing that several times, nothing will change, everything stays the same. and its ashame. that was a pure love like id never seen except in movies and it had to be ruined. i hate her for that. i could go on and on about all the crap ive dealt with but i dont wanna re-live everything. i just needed to get some stuff off my chest that i know i can talk to my friends about, but in very limited amounts.
i really dont have anything else to say as of now, im just getting used to this alone crap and trying to exact my blog profile because i like things a certain way. o.c.d. bah. ill post again im sure.
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